decisions, decisions...

What do i want to do with my life?

I really thought i would have had this figured out by now. 

Since October I have constantly been in a battle with myself over this perplex question. I hate that no one else can answer this for me... Only I can... Talk about stressful. You are talking to the girl who can not decide on anything. I hate making decisions, big or small it doesn't matter. It all takes me way to long to figure out. That is why most of the time i beg my Mr. to make the decision for me. It was working great for a while until he one day decided to no longer coat this disability in my life. Boo, major boo! Life was so much easier when someone else made decisions for me. 

So what do i do now? 

I started substitute teaching. Its different. I love being around the students. But, not knowing what the day holds until 20 minutes till the kids march into the room expecting the best day of their lives is very stressful. I have a whole new respect for teachers and subs. 

There are 40 schools within the Keller school district... 40, i counted. We have elementary schools in neighborhoods, that is how big neighborhoods are here. Things are truly bigger in Texas : )  Since i wont be subbing in highschool we can take 5 away. So that brings us to 35, take away the middle schools, cause we all know if i look to young to sub in highschool I am probably to young looking to sub middle schools.... that leaves us with 29. I have 29 schools i can sub at. I shouldn't complain about that cause I could get a job every day if i wanted. The problem that i am facing as a new substitute teacher is, every school that i have subbed at thus far has been a different layout. Which may not seem like a big deal until you have no idea where the bathrooms or cafeterias are. You quickly learn to rely on 15 first graders to guide you in the halls. It has been very comical to me.

I have committed to finishing the school year but I believe my subbing days will come to a close after June. It just isn't my thing. 

So now what do i do?

I have NO clue. I've tried everything within childcare and i dont feel like I'm meant to be there even though i love kids.

Ok God, I hear you. 

I'm trying to figure it out mostly on my own, with a little dash of  Your guidance. The problem is, I don't hear that clear small voice calling me anywhere. 

I know and am very confident that God has created me for a specific purpose. But God, what is it? What could you possibly create me for that no one else can do? 

I came across this quote the other day and it stopped me in my tracks...

"If you can't figure out your purpose, figure out your passion. For your passion will lead you right into your purpose" - Bishop T.D. Jakes

wow.

Ok, God I hear you.

Passions.... what are my passions. 

• wedding planning
•  i love weddings like Ross loves Rachel. It is deep within me. I can't help but get excited for those committing their lives to each other. It's such a beautiful tradition.

• kids
• i truly love being around kids. They are full of life and can be so funny. But I've tested the waters with working along side kids and I'm comfortable saying its a passion but not my purpose. But you never know that might change once the Mr and I have our own kiddos.
•   adoption
• Adoption has always been on my radar. I remember being 10 and telling my Grammy i wanted a "black baby". My heart has always been open to the opportunity to one day adopt, whether here in the states or overseas. 

adoption... that's it. That is my over whelming, can't hold it inside passion. 

Thinking of adoption as a career as well as an action, has been in the back of my mind for awhile now.  The only problem is, i don't know where to begin. I feel like i know a lot about what to expect when you are adopting but feel completely lost when it comes to working with families wanting to adopt. So i have pushed it aside since college because i don't know where to start. 

I have completely given this question of  "where do i go from here?" up to God. He has guided me thus far, He will continue to show me where i need to be. 

For starts i filled out an application to do volunteer work at Gladney Adoption Agency downtown Fort Worth. I have been talking to Mary there who has been wonderful! Once all my paperwork goes through i will be able to start. I mentioned how i feel completely lost when it comes to where God wants me and she completely understood and is giving me an opportunity to help in every area at Gladney. How exciting! What better way to get my feet wet then to experience adoption work in every sense of the word. 

I really have no clue whether or not volunteering at Gladney will one day lead me to a job there or somewhere else but im honestly ok with that. I am just excited to get this process started. No more pushing it aside. I am finally stepping up to this BHAG..."Big Hairy Audacious Goal" ( alittle Jerry Falwell reference ) . 

Wish me luck : )

Dylan

 I started this blog a few years ago to keep my family and friends across the country updated on my life. Well i have not been doing a great job of that. Every time something big comes my way i never seem to 
 blog about it.

That needs to change. 

So lets go back two years. I was in desperate need of new job. I truly hated my job at the daycare i was at since we moved here to Texas. I really wasn't sure what to do so I decide to give nanny-ing a try. God knew exactly what I needed. He placed me with a beautiful, sweet little boy Dylan and his mom Carrie. The first day i met Dylan i knew he and i were going to be best buds. 

Over the next year and nine months this little guy and I spent every weekday together playing at the park, watching his favorite shows like Yo Gabba Gabba and The Backyardagains, going on walks around the neighborhood, visiting the library, singing, reading tons of books, and so much more.

Dylan stole my heart...hard. I learned what it was like to love someone unconditionally, not wanting anything in return....ok maybe a few cuddles in return : ) He taught me that although parenting is not always easy, it is so worth it.

I love that sweet smile.

In October his mom made the wonderful decision to start Dylan in a Montesorri school. I was so excited for him because I know he would thrive in this school setting. The only draw back was that since it is a 5 day a week school she would no longer need a nanny.

I knew this day would come and have been praying that God would prepare me for where ever He needed me. But I did not think it would come this soon. Dylan is only 3, how could it be time?

I was still planning on spending the next few years investing into this amazing little guy.

God had other plans.

We honestly had so much fun together. I loved watching him grow from a 16month old to a bright Cars loving 3 year old who always sang. 

 It breaks my heart knowing that he probably won't remember me when he is older. But, I am comforted knowing that I put everything i had into making sure he knew he was loved and hoping he will always remember that.

 The two years i spent loving on this little guy has changed who i am.

 Love you little buddy!

it's beginning to look alot like christmas

The Mr and I just got back from an amazing trip home to PA for Christmas. I have been looking forward to this trip since last Christmas when we couldn't go home. Now Mike on the other hand, not so much. He sees the the hassle this trip can bring. Which is understandable considering we don't stay at one location more then 3 days. 

This year we flew into Baltimore, MD then 10 days later flew back to Texas from Pittsburgh. So how did we get from Baltimore to Pittsburgh? let me tell ya : )

1st stop: Lancaster

My mom graciously picked us up form the airport and drove us back to Lancaster, which is only suppose to be a 1 1/2hr drive but turned into a 3hr drive. Who knew traffic intermingled with construction would be so bad at midnight : / 

We pretty much went nonstop the whole trip but i wouldn't have changed it for anything because we met up with some of our favorite PA people! 

Since the day my cousin told me she was pregnant I have been patiently waiting to meet this special little guy.  I had to wait over a year to meet him but boy was it worth the wait : ) Axel truly is one of the sweetest babies you will ever meet and he looks just like his momma. I am so happy for Jaimie and James, they are wonderful parents to this precious little guy.

 Jaimie, Tara, and I made sure to face time our sweet friend and momma to be Katie while we were all together.

 That evening we spent 6 hours with two of our favorite people, the Wagner Deli. We all worked together in Lynchburg until the Wagners moved to Phili. Now we make it a point to meet up with them whenever we are home. God so perfectly placed them in our lives and i don't know what i would do without them.

Mike and I met up with our favorite Yorker, Randa : ) I love that she comes home to visit around the same times we do.  I wish all our other Liberty friends would join her next time.

 Christmas Eve we spend with Mike's extended family at Grammy J's house in Carlisle, about a 45 min drive from my moms. We played games and caught up, it was wonderful. When the girls made a trip to Target it started snowing... big, beautiful snowflakes.

 Merry Christmas from the Breams! Could not have asked for a better family to marry into, what an amazing family : )

 On Christmas we skyped with Karl and Brit in Norway. It was great to see their smiling faces. Can't wait to visit them!

 We spend Christmas with my mom, my sibs and their spouses and sweet little Grammy. It was great to be all together again : )

On our way to Johnstown to visit my Dad we ran into a winter wonderland. It was so pretty... but not so fun to drive through. We left 45 mins before my sister and her hubby. It took us 3 1/2hrs and it took them 61/2.... yikes!

 a great visit with my bff is a must when im home : ) love that we've been friends longer then i can remember!

 

 After a quick stop in Johnstown we headed to our final stop of our tour in PA. I love that we stopped in Pittsburgh last so that we could attend the annul Brennan New Years Eve party. We always have a great time catching up with friends there. We couldn't pass up a cheesy Christmas inspired picture with the married couples : )

I am to thankful we were able to see so many loved ones in our short 10 day trip. I've been getting pretty beat up about living so far from our friends and family on the east coast, but this trip was the perfect medicine. God knows me so well : )